Chiefs Fever
What is Chiefs Fever?
Chiefs Fever is an extremely contagious condition of the brain and body. It’s known to occur when the Kansas City Chiefs utterly dominate in the AFC West. While the condition is mainly thought to be inherited, Chiefs Fever has been frequently reported in those with no prior history. All residents of the Kansas City metro are encouraged to be on alert for symptoms.
What Causes Chiefs Fever?
A steady intake of Chiefs wins on the gridiron is the main vector for Chiefs Fever. It gets progressively more acute as the Chiefs continue to rack up Ws, leading to an astonishingly rapid progression during the playoffs.
Other causes of Chiefs Fever include:
- Encountering the colors red and yellow, regardless of context
- Having any football-shaped object thrown at you; it does not seem to matter by whom
- Thinking you may have seen Len Dawson at the grocery store
- Listening to any praise of the Raiders, Broncos, or Patriots
- Watching the Chiefs mount the biggest comeback in team history to move onto the 2020 AFC championship game.
- Hearing former Chiefs Johnny Robinson and Tony Gonzalez being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
What are the symptoms of Chiefs Fever?
Chiefs Fever can present with a great number of symptoms that share commonalities but occur seemingly at random. However, the symptoms most often appear where there is a high concentration of others with Chiefs Fever, including:
- Sudden reddening/yellowing of the face and chest. Other areas of the body have been reported as well.
- Inexplicable urge to stand in a parking lot during a cold day.
- Sudden increase of unique proteins — “Mahomes ketones” — present in the blood
- Acute craving for a wide variety of smoked meats.
- Involuntary substitution of the word “CHIEFS” for “brave” while singing the National Anthem.
- Marked increase in ability to concentrate in loud, chaotic environments.
How is Chiefs Fever Diagnosed?
Chiefs Fever is most often diagnosed by others with the same condition. Self-diagnosis has been known to happen. Regardless, a positive diagnosis is often met with a sense of inner peace and immediate acceptance.
How is Chiefs Fever Treated?
Chiefs Fever is a chronic, lifelong condition. There is no known cure, mainly because there is not currently an effort to discover one. Instead, symptoms are managed through intense therapy sessions, often occurring on Monday nights or Sunday afternoons during late summer through early winter.
Can Chiefs Fever be Prevented?
No. In fact, you may already be a carrier.
When Should I call my Healthcare Provider?
When you suspect they may have an extra ticket.
